So all this spiritual stuff... my oracle cards, runes, chakras, reiki, it's all to do with mindset really, isn't it? That's what it boils down to. You read the meanings from the cards and runes, you do some meditations, and you seek the meaning you need from them. It all boils down to intuition.
My mindset hasn't been that great for the last three months. I've become stagnant, sorry for myself and generally lethargic in all areas of my life. My creativity has become stuck, as has everything else.
The negative thoughts going around my head, and the back up of being reminded that what I'm doing *is* hard. After all, I'm a single mother with two young boys, one of whom is autistic and doesn't sleep well (jinxing myself - he's been sleeping better the last few weeks). I have to do it all alone, and there's no one to give me a break. Can you hear the violins in the background there? >_<
In the past I've brushed that aside. Yes I am, but actually, life is pretty damn good right now! That used to be what I'd say. Then I got bogged down with the lack of sleep, the exhaustion, the negative thoughts. I started to feel much more self conscious and much less confident than I normally am.
Once you're stuck, it's hard to get back to that way of thinking, isn't it?
But as I approach the summer holidays (a week today, people!), I realised that I'm looking at it all wrong.
I'm worrying about how difficult it will be.
I'm positive Max won't sleep through and it'll be as bad as the Easter holidays, if not worse as it's 7 weeks instead of just 2 and a half.
I've been worrying far too much about these things, and not focussing on the positive.
Max has become himself again in the last three weeks.
I'm beginning to wonder if the terrible month of April was actually a growth spurt of some sort.
He's definitely taller, but he's also changed mentally as well.
He's much sharper.
He's such a giggler again - laughing and smiling and... most importantly... he's wanting both Zack and I to play WITH him now.
So if I can just keep him busy during the days, so he's tired enough to sleep through most nights? I have a feeling the summer is actually going to be OK.
We can have our lazy mornings snuggled up together in bed... him right next to me, using my legs as his footrest while he plays games on the iPad, me dozing away, Zack popping in and out and snuggled up on the other side of us, and Kenzi somewhere in the middle of it all.
In the afternoons we'll go to our friends' houses, or to the park, weather permitting.
Lazy but not too unstructured.
We have the PECS "installed" at home now, and he's really coming on with his communication.
He no longer gets frustrated about not being able to show me what he wants.
Though with that comes a new frustration about being able to ask, but me saying no!
However that's a lot more normal... a toddler tantrum rather than an autistic meltdown.
That I can handle!
So instead of approaching the impending holidays with fear, I'm going to embrace them.
Yes there will be bad days mixed in with the good, but we will get there, this little family of mine.
We will rally together, family, friends and neighbours.
It takes a village to raise a child, they say.
I know I'm not alone.
I have so many sweet, loving people surrounding me who want to help.
We all do.
It's time to stand up and walk towards the sun, even if it is behind the clouds (come on... this is Scotland, remember?!).
To accept what's going to happen and make the most of it.
Revel in the little things, and enjoy just being with my beautiful boys, our dog, and our cat, and our beautiful friends and family.