SoftThistle Life

Am I really going anywhere?

Autism, Life, MiscMarylinComment

feather 26/366

I mean, really, I guess I'm the only one who can answer that, and right now, I'm not so sure I know the answer.

I love my inspirational quotes, goodness knows if you follow me on Pinterest, you'll see just how much! 

I'm always good at giving advice, but it seems I'm not so good at taking it at the moment.

"Your desire to change must be greater than your desire to stay the same." 

Therein lies the problem.

I want to change - to get fitter, oh how wonderful that would be!

To make a dent in the laundry would be a plan right now to be honest.

I don't have the drive, the inclination, the want or need to change. 

Things are coasting along pretty well for us at the moment, and it's been pretty nice to have things being boring and predictable. 

I forget till people remind me, that my life isn't necessarily the easiest. Single parent, two young boys, Max's autism, his lack of sleeping (which MIGHT be getting better... he's slept all night through for A WHOLE WEEK NOW!!! That's me jinxed myself now, of course), not getting a chance to slack off and have someone take over.

I still do slack off though, it's just, that ends up meaning I get behind, simply *because* there's no one there to pick up where I left off.

And then, I don't really know how life is going to go. Particularly with Max. 

He's attempting to talk, when prompted, most of the time. 

However his speech is still very limited. 

Probably that of around a one year old. 

Someone who's just starting to learn how to say a few words here and there.

But he doesn't have the *need* to communicate with me in the way most children do with their parents.

Still, he's getting there. My beautiful boy.

I have no idea how much he's going to need me though, as life goes on. You know?

So.

Am I selfish to want to spend my evenings playing games, or watching tv, and generally not doing things to "better" myself with? 

I know the answer is really no. 

But I still feel guilty when I do something I enjoy, instead of something productive.

I should be learning something, bettering myself, doing some blasted housework. 

GETTING ORGANISED, basically. 

Which is something I am truly and utterly hopeless at.

Maybe it's time I looked for a PA... 

any takers?