SoftThistle Life

The sort of pain that makes you feel sick.

LifeMarylin7 Comments

I'm lying on the floor screaming, holding my knee together. If I let go the knee cap will lock and I won't be able to get it back in on my own.

I need to calm down.

I need to stop screaming. Zack has just gone for his nap and I really can't let him wake up.

He is freaking out.

He helps me get to a sitting position.

I'm still holding that knee-cap half in place for dear life.

I need to calm down.

I need to relax my muscles so I can pop it back in.

I'm shaking from the shock, I feel like jelly.

He's called 999.

He didn't need to, it will be fine once it goes back in.

He'd never seen it happen before.

He never will again.

I manage to calm down after talking to the woman on the other side of the phone.

I explain to her that it happens very rarely from twisting the wrong way.

I was rushing to tidy up before my parents arrived.

I turned to my left to spin round and then I was on the floor.

The muscles are starting to stop spasming around my knee now.

I can feel the knee cap sitting at the cusp, it just needs a last little push to pop it back in.

I knock it back into place.

I say thank you for talking me through it, and apologise for wasting the emergency services' time.

He helps me up, and I manage to get onto the bed.

My leg feels like jelly. It will pop straight back out if I'm not *really* careful.

I send him out to the chemist to pick up a support.

I think how lucky I am that Zack slept straight through all this.

I try to get more comfortable on the bed, easing a pillow under my leg.

My heart is starting to slow now.

He arrives back with the support and helps me put it on.

I get up and gingerly step on it.

The support is good, it'll hold.

I send him up to his parents. The tickets have been booked, and he needed it. Besides, my parents will be there soon.

He doesn't want to go but I make him. If I don't he'll resent me, and I'll feel too guilty.

I hobble into the kitchen, checking to make sure I don't twist myself.

I get some painkillers and say kiss him goodbye, assuring him I'll be fine.

I go through to the living room and ease myself down onto the sofa.

Zack wakes up.

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This happened over 3 years ago, when Zack was only 9 months old. It hasn't happened since, but there have been times that it's been close. I dread it happening when I'm on my own. I don't want to scare my babies. What if I fell on one of them?

Mustn't think of that now. No point in worrying about something that might *not* happen again.

But if it's happened before... it will happen again.

It always does.