SoftThistle Life

Let The Freak Out Commence

LifeMarylin14 Comments

The boys are going up to their dad's for a week in three days. No, wait technically now it's TWO days.

I am freaking out.

I need to do a shedload of laundry before they leave so that they actually have, you know, clean and presentable clothes for when they go up. So it's past 2am and there's another load of laundry on, and probably about 5 more loads for me to go through at least. By Friday.

The kids go up north on Saturday. Early afternoon. Ish.

I am trying to think about practical things, like how many tops/trousers/socks/nappies etc to send up with them.

I am really trying to focus on them.

Because when I don't focus on them, I think of what I'll need to be like when I say goodbye to them.

I think about how I'll have to be all cheery and happy for them to go, so they're not worried or anything.

I'll need to behave in front of their father, and his mum, who are picking them up.

I need to NOT cry when I say goodbye to my babies.

Even the thought of it has me welling up.

They've never been away from me for more than a few hours.

Well, Zack's been up north before for about 3 days, but that's different. I know that he'll tell me if he wants to come home.

Max hasn't a clue what's about to happen.

He has no idea that in two days time he'll be whisked away to a new place, surrounded by people he doesn't know.

He'll not have me around to fall back on when he cries.

He'll not have Dean around to play his favourite little games, like spinning him around in circles.

He won't be able to tell anyone what he wants.

THAT scares me.

That he won't know why Mummy's not there.

He won't know that he'll be coming home soon.

He won't know anything about the place and people.

And they don't know anything about him.

He will have to rely on Zack interpretting for him, and that doesn't always work out well - depending on what *Zack* wants at the time.

I will have to rely on Zack to tell me how Max is doing.

I shouldn't have to, but I know I will.

Why? Because I know that there's no way their father would admit that Max doesn't like it there. That would be admitting defeat. It won't happen.

At least I can get him to put them on Skype so I can see them.

I know I'll be hugging them even tighter over the next two days though, so they know that I can't wait for them to come back.

I hope Max is ok.

*****

This is where I have a big ugly cry and contemplate not letting them go up north, then talk myself out of it by insisting that they will be fine, and I will get some honest to god LIE INS while they're away.

On second thought...

*****

Gahh, I just wish they weren't going so far away. It's a three hour drive to get to them.

What if something happens?

What if they need me?

What if they're abducted by aliens, or get stolen by the circus?

*sigh*

Yes, I know I need to trust their dad that they'll be taken care of. And I do, otherwise they wouldn't be going up there at all.

It's still hard though.

Really freakin hard.