SoftThistle Life

How to Meditate When You're a Single Parent

Solo ParentingMarylin2 Comments

First, set your alarm super early.

Like 4am early, so you're awake before your kids.

Don't dare go to the toilet because if you do, they'll hear it.

Go to grab your phone and headphones.

Realise you can't find said headphones anywhere and start groping around your bedside table in the dark.

Swear when you knock your bottle of water over and hear a loud thud.

Hold your breathe and strain your neck and ears to see if it's woken up the kids.

Start breathing again after 2-3 minutes.

Finally find your headphones and plug them in.

Look for your meditation app of choice and realise said kids have rearranged your apps to look like a smiley face, along with hiding most of them in various folders with random names like "hfgdu" and ""nnnnnnn".

Finally locate your app and hit play.

Realise your headphones weren't pushed in all the way and drop your phone on your bed somewhere while trying to silence the singing bowl chime ringing out like a church bell in your bed.

Hold your breath again while straining to hear if the kids have woken yet.

Start breathing again after 2-3 minutes.

Feel around on your bed for your phone for a minimum of 8 minutes because you refuse to switch a light on in case the kids see it like a moth to a flame.

Finally find phone and make sure headphones are attached properly this time.

Start listening to your meditation by about 5am.

Feel relaxed and zen for approximately 3.5 minutes, at which point you are jumped on by two Happy Children who have decided to wake early for the day.

Try to ignore them for approx 15 (very long) seconds before sighing, giving in and getting up to change a diaper, fix their breakfast, find some cartoons for them to watch, and sneak back upstairs to finally try to meditate.

Realise you're desperate for the toilet.

Ignore.

4 minutes into your meditation you really MUST go.

Now.

*flushes*

Hear "Muuuuuuuum" from the living room and sigh before going to see what is requested of you.

Watch an extremely interesting video of something Minecraft related. Note: when I say extremely interesting, I mean extremely uninteresting and not relevant to your life in any way.

Sneak back upstairs determined to do your 10 minutes of guided meditation.

Look for your phone.

Go back into the bathroom where you left it in there after washing your hands (come on, admit it, we've all checked Twitter while in the loo).

Get comfortable and hit play.

Your clock hits 6am and your alarm goes off!

It's time to get ready for the day ahead!

Welcome to the world of parental spiritualism: where every day is a test of your strength of mind and sanity.

Namaste, bitches!