All I can really say is the relief from that day is immense.
I feel like I'm coping again.
Like there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
And that's something I'm holding close to.
My meds have had a shuffle round, along with adding some new ones, and it's like the fog is lifting now.
It's only been in the last day that I've realised how close to a breakdown I was getting. I guess you don't tend to notice these things until you're through the other side, do you?
But I'm away from the edge, and feeling more relaxed and supported and HEARD by the Professionals. The people I needed to listen.
I didn't even realise before, but I'd stopped noticing.
I wasn't really seeing anything.
Not the birds on the feeder by our window, or the way the light hit the street on the morning school run.
And I am now.
A sure sign that things are different.
It's amazing how some little pills can make things better so easily.
Max still isn't sleeping, but that's not going to be a quick fix. I know that.
For now? At least I'm coping again.
My friends and family have been absolutely amazing.
My Tammy is helping me sort out my house after the last few months of my motivation being below zero.
My Jen, who moved just up the road from me last month, has been here most evenings so I didn't feel alone.
My Sharon, who came to stay for a few days, which helped me in ways she can't possibly know.
My mum and dad who have been so, SO patient with me, and so understanding.
And my Zack. My gorgeous boy Zack, who puts up with a lot of unfairness in his life thanks to his wee brother.
My Zack has been my shining light. My rock. My extra-awesome cuddler. My little 7 year old boy who's old beyond his years and just knows when his mama needs him to snuggle up next to her and watch random movies on tv that aren't even that good.
Then there's all the lovely people who have messaged me, DM'd me on twitter, PM'd me on facebook, and left the sweetest, most loving comments on my not-quite-myself posts.
You lot. Yes you.
Thank you for being there when I didn't think there was anyone who would really care.
Thank you for sending your love and hugs and messages of support.
You have no idea how much it helped.
So here's to the road to recovery, right?