Let The Freak Out Commence

by Marylin “Softthistle” Muir on March 25, 2010

The boys are going up to their dad’s for a week in three days. No, wait technically now it’s TWO days.

I am freaking out.

I need to do a shedload of laundry before they leave so that they actually have, you know, clean and presentable clothes for when they go up. So it’s past 2am and there’s another load of laundry on, and probably about 5 more loads for me to go through at least. By Friday.

The kids go up north on Saturday. Early afternoon. Ish.

I am trying to think about practical things, like how many tops/trousers/socks/nappies etc to send up with them.

I am really trying to focus on them.

Because when I don’t focus on them, I think of what I’ll need to be like when I say goodbye to them.

I think about how I’ll have to be all cheery and happy for them to go, so they’re not worried or anything.

I’ll need to behave in front of their father, and his mum, who are picking them up.

I need to NOT cry when I say goodbye to my babies.

Even the thought of it has me welling up.

They’ve never been away from me for more than a few hours.

Well, Zack’s been up north before for about 3 days, but that’s different. I know that he’ll tell me if he wants to come home.

Max hasn’t a clue what’s about to happen.

He has no idea that in two days time he’ll be whisked away to a new place, surrounded by people he doesn’t know.

He’ll not have me around to fall back on when he cries.

He’ll not have Dean around to play his favourite little games, like spinning him around in circles.

He won’t be able to tell anyone what he wants.

THAT scares me.

That he won’t know why Mummy’s not there.

He won’t know that he’ll be coming home soon.

He won’t know anything about the place and people.

And they don’t know anything about him.

He will have to rely on Zack interpretting for him, and that doesn’t always work out well – depending on what *Zack* wants at the time.

I will have to rely on Zack to tell me how Max is doing.

I shouldn’t have to, but I know I will.

Why? Because I know that there’s no way their father would admit that Max doesn’t like it there. That would be admitting defeat. It won’t happen.

At least I can get him to put them on Skype so I can see them.

I know I’ll be hugging them even tighter over the next two days though, so they know that I can’t wait for them to come back.

I hope Max is ok.

*****

This is where I have a big ugly cry and contemplate not letting them go up north, then talk myself out of it by insisting that they will be fine, and I will get some honest to god LIE INS while they’re away.

On second thought…

*****

Gahh, I just wish they weren’t going so far away. It’s a three hour drive to get to them.

What if something happens?

What if they need me?

What if they’re abducted by aliens, or get stolen by the circus?

*sigh*

Yes, I know I need to trust their dad that they’ll be taken care of. And I do, otherwise they wouldn’t be going up there at all.

It’s still hard though.

Really freakin hard.


{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Veronica March 25, 2010 at 8:07 am

It will be okay. It WILL be okay. It will all pan out in the end, I promise.

And, if everything goes to hell, 3 hours is not that far away and you will fly there for them.

xxx

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MrsW March 25, 2010 at 8:22 am

I’m not going to say “it will be fine” because I understand exactly where you are coming from – mine have never spent a night away with their Dad and they are now 14 and 13! It just turned out that way. What I will say is you’ll get through it – all of you – and at the other side… well then you can tell us how it all went :)

And it’s only a 90 minute drive really – you know – cos that would be half way and I have a car :)
.-= MrsW´s last blog ..http://clinicallyfedup.com/?p=2838“ rel=”nofollow”>Secret Post #2: In which I am a witch =-.

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Kirsty March 25, 2010 at 8:43 am

I know its super hard, but try not to let the “what if’s” take over. It’s just going to get worse as they grow up, go to school, on holidays with friends on a different continent, leave home…

It shows that you are a great loving parent being so worried, but kids can pick up on it, my mum was a bit of an OCD over-protective parent (wasn’t allowed in town with friends to go shopping till I was 16!) and in some ways that still affects my life now. I’m not saying you should boot them out the door without a thought, just try not to sit waiting by the phone all day while they are there :p Not being there in case something should happen to our loved ones is one of the most common fears and sometimes consumes me too, I just try not to think about it too much. I think Max will surprise you with his adaptability, hopefully they have some lovely new toys lined up to distract him. He most likely WILL cry for you at some stage, but it will pass? Besides, he will have his older brother there to look after him!

Try to have a good time for yourself :)
.-= Kirsty´s last blog ..http://www.kirstylegg.co.uk/news18848.html“ rel=”nofollow”>Test for blog =-.

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Barbara March 25, 2010 at 2:33 pm

Oh love, this must be so hard for you. I’m struggling with being away for two whole nights! Mind you, wild horses wouldn’t stop me from coming up to visit!!

Zack and Max will look out for each other when you’re not around because that’s what brothers do. They know they can muck around with you but they’ll play it differently when there are people they don’t know so well.

You need to count the sleeps until they’ll be back with you.

(((hugs))) which will be real and not virtual on Saturday!
.-= Barbara´s last blog ..http://bsouth.wordpress.com/2010/03/24/the-gallery-me/“ rel=”nofollow”>The Gallery – Me =-.

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Marylin March 25, 2010 at 5:57 pm

Yes, you’re right. I know you are. It’s just… hard. I wouldn’t be freaking out as much if they weren’t going so far away I think. Ah, I probably would be… I just hate the thought of Max not knowing if he’s going to see me again, cause quite frankly, he won’t have a clue. :S

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Marylin March 25, 2010 at 5:58 pm

That is true. It’s nice to know I could give you a call to help pick em up if I was in a dire panic! My dad’s said that there’s no way he could do it – I think he’s worried that if he ever goes face-to-face with TF again he’ll kill him. >_<
Half-way… that would be avimore wouldn’t it? Would make for some great scenery for photography I reckon… ;)

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Marylin March 25, 2010 at 6:00 pm

I hope Max does surprise me… but at the same time I hope he’s still his usual self so they can see how difficult life can be with him! ;)
I know you’re right… I just need to stop freaking out about it in the wee hrs of the morning! >_<

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Marylin March 25, 2010 at 6:02 pm

I am *so* looking forward to seeing you on sat! You’re going to have to help me with some jaegerbombs to numb the pain you know… ;) I am still counting the days till they go away cause I know that it’s about time I got a break, and I can’t *stop* them from seeing their dad.

TWO DAYS TO GO!!!!!

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Fe March 26, 2010 at 10:05 am

Oh wow. I know exactly what this is like. My boys are now 11 and 13, but their Dad left before the second one was born… didn’t bother with them for a couple of years… and then insisted that they stay with him every second weekend. And now? Now, all these years later, he’s trying to get them 50/50.

Anyway, back to your situation…. (sorry)… it’s really hard. Just accept that you will cry. A lot. And they will be fine. And hopefully their Dad will let them call you if they’re not. And it won’t get easier (sorry.. but for me it didn’t) until they’re old enough to call you on their own mobile phone.

But then they’ll be home, and all will be well in your world.

(((hugs)))

PS Found you through Flog Yo Blog Friday.
.-= Fe´s last blog ..http://fe.org.au/2010/03/26/flog-yo-blog-friday/“ rel=”nofollow”>Flog Yo Blog Friday… =-.

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Jill March 26, 2010 at 11:56 pm

Found you via Brenda’s FlogYoBlog. I was a nervous wreck the first time my kids were without me. Once I reminded myself that they were in very good hands, I actually found myself enjoying the “me” time.

Now? I look forward to it. They love the time away and I love being able to stay out late or eat junk for dinner or sleep in on Sunday morning.

You’ll be okay. They will be okay. It will get easier.
.-= Jill´s last blog ..http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/DraftQueen/~3/DR4PXu0o3N8/friday-im-in-love.html“ rel=”nofollow”>Friday, I’m in Love =-.

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Sarah March 27, 2010 at 9:35 pm

Wow – what an eloquent way to express such a difficult situation. I can’t imagine how hard that must be. I just found your blog today through MummyTime, love your posts, and am looking forward to reading more!

Smiles,
Sarah

http://babynotch.blogspot.com
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..http://babynotch.blogspot.com/2010/03/our-first-flight-without-dada.html“ rel=”nofollow”>Our First Flight Without Dada =-.

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Marylin March 28, 2010 at 1:57 pm

Thanks Fe, it’s good to hear how others in the same situation have had it! The pick-up yesterday went well, I managed not to cry in front of the boys, although Max did look at me warily when he and zack were strapped into the car without me… So far they seem to be doing fine at least!
I am enjoying waking up in the morning when my body is ready instead of when the boys are though! ;)

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Marylin March 28, 2010 at 1:58 pm

Hey Jill, I was freaking out all yesterday morning about it, but now that they’re gone and I’ve spoken to them (well, Zack) I know they’re ok and so I’m making hte most of it! Was *so* nice not to be woken by little people this morning! :D

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Marylin March 29, 2010 at 12:21 pm

Thanks Sarah! I just write the way I speak… ;)

Luckily they seem to be doing well – I’ve even been getting photos of them thru my phone to see what they’ve been up to!

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