How freeing it must be...

...to be able to fully show your emotions, at all times. 

Like my lil Max does. 

When he's happy, he's happy with his whole body! 

He smiles, he shrieks and giggles with laughter, he wiggles his bum and jumps about. 

You really can't help but join in when he's happy.

By the same token, when he's frustrated, or angry, or sad... he gets to let it all out. 

All of it. 

He can scream his head off, and throw things, and sob and it's ok for him to do this (though admittedly, it's not particularly enjoyable for any of us) because he has autism. 

He's always much better after a meltdown too.

If he's been having a difficult day, you can guarantee that a meltdown is coming, and that he'll have a wee sleepy spell after it, and then be right as rain. 

Just like I *need* to be able to vent to my mum, my friends, or even twitter to get my frustrations out and move on from them, Max needs to do the exact same thing. 

Like stamping his feet when he wants something and I tell him no.

(disclaimer: No idea where he got that from... can't possibly be an ingrained instinct that he got from his mum from what she used to do as a kid... not at *all* ahem...)

Or if he hurts himself, it's the end of the world and he'll sob and sob.

****

The thing is, when you're dealing with that amount of sheer emotional energy, it can be difficult to stop. 

Difficult to get yourself out of it. 

I'm pretty sure most of us have cried ourselves to sleep at least once in the past. 

I know that, when I was suffering from post natal depression, the only way I could escape was by eventually falling asleep, once I was all cried out. 

So it's hardly a surprise that when Max goes into a meltdown, it's hard to get him out of it. 

It's hard enough for a grown adult, so why on earth would it be easier for him? 

Especially when he has no speech, little understanding of what's being said to him, and no real concept of now, later, or then. 

****

 But still... however hard it is, it must also be such a release to be able to just let all that emotion get out on a regular basis. 

Instead of letting it eat away at you, which is the "allowed" thing to do in our society.

Because showing that you're anything but happy is a weakness. 

Or at least, that's how so many people perceive it. 

Yes... I think it must be quite freeing to be Max sometimes.

A week of Project 366 in one go...

Because I've been full of this stupid fluey-cold-thing and Max has been off all week with the same.

Oh, and it's minus the one that only went on instagram on Jan 31st, which I can't be bothered trying to find right now...

Zack is obsessed with Bumpeez right now... however they seem to now be sold out everywhere in Crieff! So we're back to him getting a magazine at the weekend if he's been good (i.e. got smiley faces monday-friday on our calendar).

The view I both love, hate, and cower at: 

Love it when I'm sleepy and I get to go to my bed.

Hate it when I'm enjoying a late one and know I *have* to go to bed.

Cower at when I stand stock-still, to listen out and see if Max is really asleep.

There's a story behind this... 

So this fluey cold I've had for TWO weeks now seems to have its perks. Namely I can't seem to stop myself from cleaning. 

I even cleaned my window... inside AND out. 

So I could take photos of the birds that like to lunch here.

Do you have ANY idea how bloody difficult it is to take a decent photo of these damn birds?? 

Seriously. 

I've given up now. 

Still, I got two cute photos.

And my window is now clean...

I've been finding Max here more and more lately... seems that this is one of his favourite places to get some peace and quiet to watch his iPad movies in peace...

Of course, when his big brother is around, that peace and quiet is rare to come by! Zack insisted on joining in... and who am I to say no, eh? 

So! That's been our week in pictures. 

I've even managed to... 

get on top of the laundry pile!!!!! 

That NEVER happens!

So... what have you been up to this week? 

Not well, getting better... maybe not... wait! Maybe...?

When I picked him up from nursery on Friday, Max had had a Very Bad Afternoon.

He wasn't himself and generally was looking very tired and not his usual happy wee self.

Cue the coldy/sinusy thing I've had this week (THANK you for that, Tammy!! And... possibly Zack. *cough*) being passed on to the wee man.

So Saturday was a relatively quiet one.

Zack went to taekwondo, I spent the entire time cleaning like a woman possessed.

God knows where it came from!

I am now on top of the laundry, and the fronts of the washing machine and dishwasher look wonderfully clean!

Ok, honestly, Sunday was an even quieter day.

I figured out that my netbook wasn't broken, it's just that someone (I'm blaming Max, here) had switched the "wireless" button to off.

So once I'd realised that, I left Zack to play on Kizi, Max pottered in and out of the kitchen and living room with his precious iPad.

Asking "I wohhh" and pointing to milk, crisps, biscuits... peanut butter.

And occasionally just coming over to climb up on my lap and have a snuggle.

He's been pretty quiet over the weekend, taking himself up to bed, and a snot-fest had gathered by Sunday night.

So it was off nursery today.

Again with the barely noticing his existence in the morning, as he wanted to just stay in my bed with the iPad, youtube videos of Mortal Kombat (urgh), and his blankie.

After a snooze though... he's *much* chirpier.

Can't quite say the same for me, mind. Yay for sudafed... just sayin'.

Also? 

When did my Zack grow to be such a BOY??? Not a wee lad anymore... you should have seen the photo of him with the hoodie up. 

*sobs* 

Still, he comes over for cuddles a lot too. ;)

Am I really going anywhere?

I mean, really, I guess I'm the only one who can answer that, and right now, I'm not so sure I know the answer.

I love my inspirational quotes, goodness knows if you follow me on Pinterest, you'll see just how much! 

I'm always good at giving advice, but it seems I'm not so good at taking it at the moment.

"Your desire to change must be greater than your desire to stay the same." 

Therein lies the problem.

I want to change - to get fitter, oh how wonderful that would be!

To make a dent in the laundry would be a plan right now to be honest.

I don't have the drive, the inclination, the want or need to change. 

Things are coasting along pretty well for us at the moment, and it's been pretty nice to have things being boring and predictable. 

I forget till people remind me, that my life isn't necessarily the easiest. Single parent, two young boys, Max's autism, his lack of sleeping (which MIGHT be getting better... he's slept all night through for A WHOLE WEEK NOW!!! That's me jinxed myself now, of course), not getting a chance to slack off and have someone take over.

I still do slack off though, it's just, that ends up meaning I get behind, simply *because* there's no one there to pick up where I left off.

And then, I don't really know how life is going to go. Particularly with Max. 

He's attempting to talk, when prompted, most of the time. 

However his speech is still very limited. 

Probably that of around a one year old. 

Someone who's just starting to learn how to say a few words here and there.

But he doesn't have the *need* to communicate with me in the way most children do with their parents.

Still, he's getting there. My beautiful boy.

I have no idea how much he's going to need me though, as life goes on. You know?

So.

Am I selfish to want to spend my evenings playing games, or watching tv, and generally not doing things to "better" myself with? 

I know the answer is really no. 

But I still feel guilty when I do something I enjoy, instead of something productive.

I should be learning something, bettering myself, doing some blasted housework. 

GETTING ORGANISED, basically. 

Which is something I am truly and utterly hopeless at.

Maybe it's time I looked for a PA... 

any takers?

Oh bed... how I love you so! 24/366

I really don't know why I always resist going to see you every night.

I love you once I'm with you!

If you were a holiday destination, you'd be my favourite!

I love you bed...

See you tonight, ok?