You’re crying that just born, newborn cry. Lying, slightly blue, between my legs. There was slight meconium in your waters, so you’re quickly whisked to the wee resuss trolley just outside the door. It feels like minutes pass, but I know you’re ok. I can hear you crying, and soon you’re back with me. My first baby. My boy. My Zack. And in that moment, my whole world is changed forever. As we gaze at each other, you so tiny and vulnerable, and me so shaken and in awe. I count all your fingers and all your toes. Ten and ten. Blue eyes, a head full of blonde hair. It strikes me instantly how much you remind me of your uncle! My beautiful boy. How did I manage to grow you to be such a perfect little thing? Knowing that you are completely dependent on me, and I on you, is such a strange feeling. Yet in other ways it’s strangely familiar. You are mine, and I am yours.
I love you instantly.
That moment. That bond that happens in the first moments after meeting your child for the first time. Oh I can’t even begin to describe it. It’s a rush of love and electricity and yearning and everything in between! It’s butterflies and nervousness and excitement filled with trepidation and worry that you may not be good enough. But looking into my little boy’s eyes, I knew all would be fine. We would be ok, my boy and I.
My first born son, my little Zacky-boo.
How on earth have you reached the grand old age of seven already?
I can’t believe it’s been so long, when the memories of your birth are still so vivid in my mind. My beautiful, handsome, sensitive boy who loves gaming and dancing to Black Eyed Peas and still needs his goodnight kiss without fail. Words can’t describe how proud I am to be your mama.
“Give me a boy ’till he’s seven, and I’ll show you the man.”
Well, what a man you will be, my Zack. What a man. The compassion and patience you show your little brother, along with your family, friends and anyone else who’s in your thoughts is beyond comprehension at times. That you can be so kind, so gentle with Max. Understanding that even when he’s being annoying or hurtful, you know he doesn’t realise he’s doing it? THAT is patience, young man. And you have it by the bucketload. Really don’t know where you got that one… I’m guessing it’s skipped a generation from my mum, straight to you!
Those times when I’ve been unwell, and there have been a few this year, you’ve made sure to try to keep Max occupied for me, and keep coming over to the sofa to sit by my head, and stroke my hair. Making sure I’m all tucked up. You can tell when I have migraines. My face goes grey, apparently. You know the signs, and you think of what you can do to help. How many seven year old’s do you know who put others before themselves on such a regular basis? Zack is the only one I’ve met so far that doesn’t lose patience after a while.
Oh and that wit! You’re learning well, not-so-little one!
You’ve picked up sarcasm to a tee. Some may say too well. (I definitely say too well!) Your jokes are genuinely funny most of the time now, and you have some imagination on you! You’ve even written a poem that’s going to be published! Not that I’m jealous of that at all! cough The sweet nature that inhabits you is so endearing. I didn’t think it could be possible to love someone so much, be so proud of them, and at the same time feel proud of myself for raising such a wonderful little person.
I am SO lucky to have you, my Zacki-boy. Sorry, Zack. ‘Cause you don’t like silly names like that anymore, do you? And oh! When you get into a mood! Don’t know where on earth that stroppiness could possibly have come from! It’s so cute seeing you pout and glower while stomping your feet up the stairs, feeling so hard done by.
I think my favourite is the (very!) odd time I really shout at you for misbehaving. Usually after having told you 3/4 times already to do something, and you still ignoring me. When you come down the stairs to tell me you’re waiting for my apology for shouting at you, which wasn’t very nice! Oh you have some gumption that’s for sure!
So, my handsome, cheeky, kind and gentle soul, I guess, when I write out all these things, it’s easy to see what a great person you are. One who I’m so blessed to have in my life. I really don’t know how on earth I got SO lucky with you, Zack.
Love you always. Love you more!