Am I really going anywhere?

I mean, really, I guess I'm the only one who can answer that, and right now, I'm not so sure I know the answer.

I love my inspirational quotes, goodness knows if you follow me on Pinterest, you'll see just how much! 

I'm always good at giving advice, but it seems I'm not so good at taking it at the moment.

"Your desire to change must be greater than your desire to stay the same." 

Therein lies the problem.

I want to change - to get fitter, oh how wonderful that would be!

To make a dent in the laundry would be a plan right now to be honest.

I don't have the drive, the inclination, the want or need to change. 

Things are coasting along pretty well for us at the moment, and it's been pretty nice to have things being boring and predictable. 

I forget till people remind me, that my life isn't necessarily the easiest. Single parent, two young boys, Max's autism, his lack of sleeping (which MIGHT be getting better... he's slept all night through for A WHOLE WEEK NOW!!! That's me jinxed myself now, of course), not getting a chance to slack off and have someone take over.

I still do slack off though, it's just, that ends up meaning I get behind, simply *because* there's no one there to pick up where I left off.

And then, I don't really know how life is going to go. Particularly with Max. 

He's attempting to talk, when prompted, most of the time. 

However his speech is still very limited. 

Probably that of around a one year old. 

Someone who's just starting to learn how to say a few words here and there.

But he doesn't have the *need* to communicate with me in the way most children do with their parents.

Still, he's getting there. My beautiful boy.

I have no idea how much he's going to need me though, as life goes on. You know?

So.

Am I selfish to want to spend my evenings playing games, or watching tv, and generally not doing things to "better" myself with? 

I know the answer is really no. 

But I still feel guilty when I do something I enjoy, instead of something productive.

I should be learning something, bettering myself, doing some blasted housework. 

GETTING ORGANISED, basically. 

Which is something I am truly and utterly hopeless at.

Maybe it's time I looked for a PA... 

any takers?

Oh bed... how I love you so! 24/366

I really don't know why I always resist going to see you every night.

I love you once I'm with you!

If you were a holiday destination, you'd be my favourite!

I love you bed...

See you tonight, ok?  

Sometimes you just need some time out! 22/366

So last night, once the boys were tucked up in bed? That's exactly what I did! 

I spent my entire evening immersed in a story about dragons and people with magical powers who were oppressed and need me to help them.

In other words...

I gamed my little heart out! (Dragon Age 2, if you're interested!)

It was great fun. 

I think it's something I may need to do once a week. 

I don't often spend long on games, though I love to play them. 

There's too much else to be done! 

I took the above photo last night, just before going to bed.

And this one was taken while typing this out...

This would be my now broken (and replaced... dear god, me not having a keyboard is like having my arms cut off!!) keyboard, with the culprit. 

The little bugger saw Zack's milk this morning and decided that the best way to have a drink would be to knock it all over the damned keyboard. 

I didn't realise this until about 3 hours later, when I attempted to log into my mac and got something along the lines of "asdlisudfvbnsdmf -[w90845290whnef vksj h" instead of an 8 character password. 

Goddamn cat!

When did you get so big? 21/366

Seriously? 

Max... you're looking more and more like Zack every day.

WHERE did your gorgeous big squishy cheeks go? 

How do they just disappear?!

You look like a Proper Boy now, rather than a little one. 

There's no more pretending that you're still only little.

Even though you still are on the inside.

How on earth did we manage to get to you being nearly FIVE already?

OK, so it's not nearly, it's not till October.

Still... you're going to be five. THIS YEAR!

You're just going to have to stop it. 

Right now.

You're not allowed to grow anymore.

And you can tell your feet to stop getting sweaty.

I miss having little cutsey feet to nibble on, goddamnit!

*sobs*

Really though, 

you're so adorably cute these days, what with your proper little personality finally coming out.

You're a joker, that's for sure!

Like the funny moves you make when I'm attempting to dance to tunes from my xbox games...

or you finding it absolutely HILARIOUS that I managed to spill nearly a full cup of milk all over myself.

Honestly - was it *really* that funny?! (ok, it was... I laughed too... but your belly laugh? Made me laugh more!)

And last week, when you just! couldn't! go! on! and dramatically crawled.... up.... the.... stairs.... and proceeded to climb.... into.... bed.... the wrong way around and flop face-first into bed.

All the while with a twinkle in your eye, and that little cheeky grin.

You knew *exactly* what you were doing!

Actually... you know what?

If you keep coming out with gems like those?

You can keep growing.

Just not so fast, damnit!! 

It's not about where the brushstrokes begin... 20/366

it's about the journey you create with them that makes them art.

That's life really, isn't it? 

It's not about the destination, or the first step, but the path you take, the wrong turns, the right ones, the short cuts that end up taking you somewhere completely different.

They're what make you who you are. 

Even the mistakes.

Especially the mistakes.

How else can you possibly learn anything if you never make any mistakes?

It's all about the journey... 

Hope your's is a good one this weekend!